My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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