Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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