don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
