I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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