I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize