Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize