Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize