i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
