Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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