somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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