I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
