Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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