I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
