Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
