Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
