she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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