i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So many bounce houses so little time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
