JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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