my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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