Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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