that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i drank out of a bidet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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