dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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