honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
