I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The air taste purple.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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