that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
