That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
