Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
