what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
