i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
