and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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