I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
