Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
