dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
