What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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