I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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