I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
