The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
