the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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