Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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