Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
