margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
