not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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