The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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