I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize