If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
