my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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