If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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