In America we eat man semen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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