We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
