that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
