the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
