May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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