It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am available for nakedness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
please don't ironically join a cult
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