don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
