the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
