he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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