god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
