When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
