When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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