If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
