In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my phone needs a breathalizer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
